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I often think about…
Where I am going with all this.
By all this I mean, all this study, and work.
When someone asks me what I want to do after uni, I still have no answer.
When they ask if I think what I’m doing is right for me, I say maybe. Sometimes no.
I know what the ultimate goal is… I just don’t know if I’m on the right path to get there…
Thinking of changing uni degrees? Yes, every day.
Motivated enough to act on it? Probably not.
Argh.
Anonymous asked: do you love me
I ought to if I know you. I love all my family and friends.
The form of love however would be significantly different depending on your standing in my life..
Thus your anonymity makes the question rather difficult to answer properly.
is it just me…
Or is Christmas anything but cheery?
People get more irritable and pushy and self centred.
Like my boss.
He basically tells me, in nicer words, that I’m not pretty enough at work, and that I should dress with my fake hair, and my fake shoes, and my fake little dress, like I did at our Christmas party, at work, just so I can be fake like all the other girls.
Merry Christmas Bonnie, your Christmas bonus consists of being told you’re ordinary, and not trying hard enough to be pretty. The effort you put into your job hardly counts.
And in my other job. Retail at Christmas is self explanatory really. People are either bossy and rude, or just plain stupid. Sure, i’d love to waste half an hour of my time telling you what bra size you should be wearing, just so you can go and buy the wrong one. Are you offering to put all those other bras back on the racks properly? Are you enjoying letting your brat child re-merchandise the shop?
So Christmas for me is going to be a day where I would love to sleep in, having worked 14 or so days, with one or 2 days off in between. But I can’t because of the family charade which must ensue as of 8am in the morning until some silly hour of the night. So I will be a zombie for the duration. Watching people enjoy the presents I worked two jobs for to buy… for all of 5 minutes.
And the worst part. It’s one of maybe 2 or 3 days I’ll see my boyfriend before he leaves for Japan, and realistically, with all the family stuff going on, I’ll hardly get to ‘see’ him at all.
Yes, about many things, I am feeling rather bitter.
Been a long time
Guess I’ve been too busy with uni, work, and having a relationship to even remember going on here…
Poor excuses…
The past 10 months have been a rollercoaster ride.
Being poor, trying new jobs, having no social life, quitting jobs, having too much fun, passing uni, tears of laughter, tears of pain, new friends, long lost friends…
…and falling deeper in love, every day.
Just to name a few things.
Despite the crazy ups and downs, and speed that everything seems to go at, one person was always there to make everything ok. He keeps me sane. He makes sure I smile at least once every day.
All the bad things that happened this year seem to be blurring away now…
Sure, you still get stressed, angry, tired.
But having a special someone is what gives you that breath of fresh air to keep you going. To make you want to keep going.
Bloody hell… I’d be stuffed if I was alone :/
Pretty shit day, hey…
Ok, so my crap day was really just a whole lot of trivial things building up to really piss me off…
- My stuff got all wet walking to the station.
- Nearly got run down on a pedestrian crossing.
- Some idiot jams the ticket machine, so it takes longer to get a ticket, and hence, making me miss my train.
- My white choc mocha tasted like a non-white choc, watery cup of nothing.
- I learnt nothing in my lecture except Aussie’s in the 70s loved football, meatpies, kangaroos and Holden cars.
(And just when I thought going home from uni would be the highlight of my day… ) - The right side of my earphones broke, so now I have to half hear the crap that comes from the wonderfully ‘varied’ people of society.
- My phone decides its only going to work half the time.
(And once I got home…) - The mail I have been expecting for a couple of days still hasn’t arrived.
- I screwed up my tom yum soup so it tasted pretty average.
So yeah, a lot of minor things that, if they had occurred in isolation, would not have affected my mood quite so much.
But, life goes on…tomorrow has to be better, right?
Still my favourite poem =)
Just a little comment before I share this poem on my page…
This has always been my favourite poem, basically because I think it portrays the concepts of dealing with love and the grief that comes with loss in a really symbolic and meaningful way - with the raven. I think Poe was very clever in how he used figures of Greek history to convey these ideas, such as with the name Lenore and also where the Raven sits, that is, on the bust of Pallas, that of the Goddess Athena who is the Goddess of Wisdom. I loved how he did this really subtly to show how love and loss can cause a person to stray from sense and wisdom.
It’s one of the few poems I can truly say the rhyming works work. It brings a rhythm to the poem that I feel draws in a sad sort of tone and mirrors the way in which the character in the poem slowly loses his mind; something which the character brings upon himself by constantly asking questions, despite knowing what the raven is going to answer. So I think it reflects really well how people deal with death and suffering, because I’m sure everyone knows just how hard it is to let go, even though we know we cannot have our loved ones return to us, we psyche ourselves into thinking other things whilst in our grief, sometimes even that they will return to us.
So this poem essentially really touches base with how most people deal with these issues, and I guess thats why the poem is so well received; most who read it can relate to what Poe is conveying.
Yeah….that’s my two cents. Here’s the poem! (it’s long but such a quick read, honestly it flows so well ^_^)
The Raven
by Edgar Allan Poe
(1845)Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.’Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,’Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,’ said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you’ - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!’
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!’
Merely this and nothing more.Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,’ said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
‘Tis the wind and nothing more!’Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,’ I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.’But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.’
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.’Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,’ said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of “Never-nevermore.”’But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.’This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,’ I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!’ I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!’
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.’And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
